99.99% Fail Rate Means You Did It

…and it only took you 10 000 attempts!
In that childish and annoying race to be first at all things, Jordan ‘Greenalink’ Greener makes a semi-continuation appearance with Blaster Master Zero, a 0:08:26 run that forced us into drastic renovations (i.e. digging out a new virtual room for Switch runs). In Zero, you’re given that old supertank Sophia III of every adolescent’s daydreams, playing as either Jason or one of additional DLC heroes, in what’d pass for a 16-bit version of the same game (although on the SNES it would have been called Super Blaster Master for sure). The new features feature buttons and levers, more powerful weaponry, more bosses, and Green’s choice of Unlimited Mode that unlocks everything from the get-go. ‘Cause race to be first. In his comments, Greenalink not only describes all the speedrun-informing gameplay adjustments made by Inti Creates (known for Shantae, Mega Man Zero, Azure Striker Gunvolt… and Mighty Number Nine), but also curses the flippancy of random boss patterns so you don’t have to!

First to write about a Switch run.

The name “Knytt” suggests cognacy with Knut or Cnut, and perhaps it had that in Tove Jansson’s mind. She, the famed author of The Moomins, introduced him in Vem ska trösta Knyttet? (‘Who Will Comfort Toffle?’) as an existentially-socially anguished antihero whose perpetual confinement is only dismantled when he overcomes his misgivings and takes matters into his own hands. Ever since, Knytt has represented anything small and fearful. Believe me, it has. Ever since Niklas Nygren’s first Knytt game, he has also represented another one in a long line of similar 2D-platformer protagonists. Ever since Knytt Stories, he has no longer been that de facto protagonist having been usurped by another character from the same universe (I think), Juni whose name translates as ‘June’. Stories supported and encouraged modding while launching with only the tutorial and one full story called The Machine. It is The Machine that is today raged against for 0:14:24, on a PC, by a feller called ‘Gliperal’. Best ending. All’s best that ends best?

First to write about the Machine story.

My cohort ‘ktwo’ is not entirely unknown in the three realms of slick, speedy, and swimming speedruns. Of the three, this clearly belongs to the swimming camp… which is a kind of summer camp where they specialize in teaching you all the different strokes. A stroke is what you’ll have when you realize what kinda game this is and what the bastard’s went and done to it: it’s like watching one of those brutal heavyweight knockouts on pay-per-view. There’s people proud of having completed the game PERIOD. There’s those who’ll place beating it ON ONE CONTINUE highest up on their ludological resumes. Then there’s the speedrunner who realizes what a waste of time death really is, lose you your powerups and all, and decides to shed mortality instead of the mortal coil.

Ikari Warriors was bullet hell before bullet hell was a thing. A labyrinthine mess of enemy spawn locations and unsympathetic drop RNG. Loads of grenades and suddenly changing music tracks. It’s a game that never went all-out on either [NES-grade]-realism or total abstractness either so the ef-dup helicopter sprite isn’t so jarring in the end. Also not jarring is ktwo’s recording which seems to have none of that static buzz that I’ve grown to expect of all NES videos. Clearly he’s playing through an emulator! Unlike in the arcade, you can only aim in the direction you’re moving, thus the imperative to minimize oblique gunfire, thus the limitless opportunities for riskier and rewardier strategies. Really what we need to take from all of this is whenever someone throws out a categorical “impossible”, they probably won’t be the one to do it in 0:27:26.

The run comes complete with audio commentary. AND there’s hardly anything the Strategy Guide won’t tell you. AND there’s a bloopers reel. AND I’m the first to write about it on the SDA front page.

Do you see that below this paragraph? It’s the absence of a dislike button.


Source: Speed Demos Archive

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